Okay all you clients and architects who are sick to the death of hearing me say, “We need more light, make the windows taller, lower, wider…” – get ready for a laugh.

This past year I willingly spent almost a week in a tiny ship’s cabin below the waterline on a rather old cruise ship. With no windows.

I have to tell you that I dreaded that room. And I also have to tell you that I enjoyed it immensely, slept deeply and well, and would go back tomorrow if given the same opportunity.

The reason for my trip – and my unconditional enjoyment of a space I would normally eschew – was, when I reduce it to a single word: family.

The cruise was billed as going from San Diego to Baja, but it actually took me back to my childhood. I was with my late mother’s sister (a very dear and influential aunt who was always a role model for me), her four children, their spouses and their thirteen children, some of whom I had never even met. For five days I was back to being one of a gang of cousins (there were 21 of us growing up) that ruled the Bible School, church camp, ball field, picnic grounds and virtually any other place we congregated. For those five days, everywhere I went I saw one of us; someone I love the way you can only love a person who shared an experience no one else will ever understand.

How does that apply to marketing Active Adult and senior living communities?

Pretty easily, I think.

We are all hungry for that kind of belonging. That kind of shared experience and intimacy of really “getting” each other. That unconditional acceptance that never goes away.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a staunch opponent of any community that says, “We’ll be your family when you move in.” Thank you very much, but you’ll NEVER be MY family; I’ve got one and I like it a lot.

But what can we borrow from the powerful emotion of families? Particularly big families?

Community.

The fondness for each individual’s quirks, talents and foibles. The true spirit of acceptance. The freedom to be who you are and still know that you belong. The light in our eyes when we see each other coming down the hall. The ability to laugh at ourselves. The shared celebrations and sorrows. The belief that together we can work through almost any problem and achieve almost any goal.

This kind of community is most often formed in a crucible – childhood or your first year college dorm. A time when you are navigating the unknown together. Need I say more?

If we – as the people who shape the experience of becoming a prospect, depositor and resident of a retirement community – can tap into this feeling of belonging to something unique, I believe we will be far more successful. Whether it’s through the way we train our sales teams, a great depositor retention program, a password protected intranet or social network, oral history projects, volunteerism, the tone set by the executive staff, resident-centered care, committee structure, a chaplaincy initiative or another catalyst, let’s look for ways to build that sense of being part of something irreplaceable.

Thinking about this will reveal that it’s not all that costly, and maybe even not that difficult to do. It will surely help marketing. And I think it will also further mission. Because I’m pretty sure that the most important part of the term Retirement Community is not retirement, but COMMUNITY.

Of course, big windows are still right up there, too.